Trump’s Crash Course in German Thinking: From Gut Reactions to Erkenntnisprozess

5 min readNov 8, 2024

Alright, so let’s imagine Trump diving into the German way of thinking — real structured, real methodical. This isn’t just thinking, folks; this is a multi-step obstacle course for the brain, complete with rules, checkpoints, and way too much precision. You know, like if IKEA made instructions for your mind, but without that little Swedish guy with a wrench.

Step 1: Wahrnehmung (Perception)
Now, imagine Trump at Wahrnehmung. This isn’t just looking around, folks. In Germany, you don’t just look — you perceive. You study the angles, the shadows, the tiny little specks on the surface, because who knows, maybe there’s a big secret hidden in there. So Trump’s got to perceive, not just glance around the room wondering where his next burger’s coming from. No more flying by the seat of his pants — he’s got to engage with his surroundings. Picture him really watching — like, “Oh, maybe climate change isn’t just a Chinese hoax!” Right? Because perception is about seeing reality, not whatever you last read on Twitter.

Step 2: Verarbeitung (Processing)
Next up: Verarbeitung. Now, here’s where most of us just say, “Okay, I get it” and move on. But Germans? No way. Processing, my friends, is where you take all those pieces you perceived and start putting them in neat little folders. Trump would be like, “I can’t just blurt out my thoughts? I’ve gotta think about them?” Yup, Don. Think about it. Really think about it. File it away somewhere that doesn’t say “impulsive decision vault.” Processing means sitting down with all those thoughts, maybe letting them marinate for a minute. Imagine the tweets we’d save.

Step 3: Speicherung (Storage)
On to Speicherung, where the Germans take all that processed information and store it. Think of this as brain storage — your own personal Google Drive, organized and ready to access. You can’t just forget stuff like some reality TV plot twist. No, Trump would have to remember things he said, store them, so he’s not contradicting himself every other sentence. Imagine Trump with a mental filing cabinet, every fact and figure neatly sorted, rather than tossed in a mental junk drawer. Ah, what a world that would be.

Step 4: Anwendung (Application)
Finally, we arrive at Anwendung. Here’s the kicker: it’s not enough to know something — you’ve got to apply it. Not just apply it to Twitter, but, like, apply it in a way that makes sense, that’s useful. If Trump actually applied all the stuff he’d stored, maybe we’d get policies that weren’t just “throw money at it and see what sticks.” Anwendung means every action has a purpose, not just a “What’s in it for me?” angle.

Enter Bildung: Self-Cultivation, German-Style
Then we get to Bildung, which is a fancy German word for “Hey, why not be a better person?” This isn’t just about getting smarter — it’s about becoming a human being with a moral compass, maybe even a touch of empathy. Bild yourself up, Donny! Instead of always building a wall, build a bit of self-awareness, some compassion. Bild it and they will come — or at least, they might not leave as quickly.

Embrace the Endless Lernprozess
Lernprozess means you’re always learning. Now, I get it, learning forever sounds like some kind of cruel joke, right? But the Germans are saying, “Hey, it’s a lifelong thing, buddy.” No more claiming “I know everything already.” No, you keep at it, like a kid trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube, because the answers keep changing. You’re never done, you’re just getting started.

Wissen, Verstehen, Kenntnis — Three Flavors of Knowledge
Last but not least, the Germans don’t just say, “Oh, I know that.” No, they break it down. You’ve got Wissen (facts), Verstehen (understanding), and Kenntnis (familiarity). You don’t just know something; you know what type of “knowing” it is. Trump could stand to learn that there’s a difference between reading a headline and understanding a whole geopolitical situation. Like, hey, maybe a couple of briefings wouldn’t hurt. Wissen is when you’ve got the info; Verstehen is when you actually get it; and Kenntnis is when you’ve been there, done that. It’s the German way of saying, “Do your homework.”

So picture it: Trump with an Erkenntnisprozess — not just a quick, gut-reaction tweet, but a whole symphony of thought. Maybe, just maybe, we’d get a president who takes the long road, the careful path, and stops acting like everything’s a reality show. But hey, that’s just the German way.

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