Welcome to the Collapse, Folks — Brought to You by Tariffs, Tantrums, and Terminal Stupidity

5 min readApr 14, 2025

So here we are. 2025. And guess what? The president’s trying to save America… by lighting it on fire. With tariffs. Because nothing says “economic genius” like charging yourself more for stuff you already need. It’s like punching yourself in the face and then billing your dentist.

And they called it Liberation Day. Cute, right? Slap a heroic name on a financial heart attack. What’s next — “Freedom Famine”?

🔥 This Is What a Controlled Demolition Looks Like

Trump didn’t just announce a 10% tariff on all imports — oh no, he had to go big. He slapped 145% on Chinese goods, which is less a policy and more a cry for help from a guy who thinks global trade is a poker game where you win by flipping the table.

Wall Street freaked out. The Dow dove off a cliff. The S&P had a panic attack. Corporations clutched their pearls, and billionaires started moving money so fast, even the Cayman Islands blushed.

But here’s the kicker: that was the plan. Chaos isn’t a byproduct — it’s the product.

🧱 When Your Supporters Start Asking for a Refund

And then the real fun begins. You know that Frankenstein coalition he built? The angry folks in hats, the Wall Street donors, the lobbyist lizards, the evangelicals waiting for the Rapture like it’s on Amazon Prime?

Yeah — they all start turning on each other.

The bankers say, “Uh… we actually like China. They’re profitable.”
The farmers say, “Why are my soybeans rotting, and why is milk twelve dollars?”
The truckers say, “We voted for jobs, not economic Sudoku.”

And the MAGA base? They’re sitting at the kitchen table wondering why the guy who promised steak dinners just served up cat food and told them it was freedom casserole.

🎭 When the Circus Can’t Afford the Tent Anymore

See, the whole show only works if people believe it’s working. But when gas hits $9, and your phone costs more than rent, even the most loyal fans start squinting at the stage like, “Is this still part of the act?”

So Trump does what he always does: doubles down. Holds rallies. Screams into the void. Declares economic victory like it’s opposite day.

But here’s the problem with running a country like a reality show — eventually, the audience changes the channel.

🏛 The Government Quietly Hits “Unsubscribe”

Meanwhile, behind the curtain, the gears start grinding to a halt.

Governors ignore him.
The Treasury sends him polite “go screw yourself” memos.
The military starts pretending they didn’t hear the question.
Judges start asking if any of this is even constitutional, or just an elaborate episode of “Who Wants to Be a Dictator?”

You know it’s bad when the government doesn’t even fight back. It just… ghosts him. That’s right. The bureaucracy is ghosting the president like a bad Tinder date.

🧨 The Big Finish: He’s Still President, But Nobody Cares

And here’s the grand finale, folks. He’s still sitting in the chair. Still signing the papers. Still yelling into microphones. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Nobody’s listening. The presidency hasn’t been overthrown — it’s just been unplugged.

He’s a statue with a Twitter account. A man in charge of nothing, shouting at everything.

The stock market doesn’t respond. The global economy routes around him like he’s a pothole. Half the country’s checked out, and the other half is writing manifestos in their group chats.

📘 And What Do We Learn?

This isn’t a constitutional crisis. It’s not even a coup. It’s the expiration date on the illusion of control. This is what happens when a country decides it doesn’t need governance, just performance art.

The office still exists. The rituals still happen. But it’s hollow. Like a parade float filled with termites. And the music? Oh, that’s just the sound of democracy gently weeping in the corner.

So sit back. Relax. Open a cold one. Watch the curtain fall.

Just don’t be surprised when the next act starts — and you realize you’re in it.

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