F-55: The Fighter Jet That Never Was, and Was Never Meant to Be

6 min readMay 17, 2025

ACT I: BUILDING AIRCASTLES IN A JET STREAM OF BULLSHIT

Let’s get one thing straight right off the tarmac: the F-55 is not a fighter jet — it’s a political placebo.

The man who once proudly declared he delivered F-52s to Norway — a jet that only exists in a video game — is now back with a twin-engine “upgrade” to the F-35. Because apparently the greatest threat to American airpower isn’t Chinese hypersonics or Russian S-500s — it’s Trump’s preference for symmetrical propulsion systems.

The F-55 isn’t born of defense strategy. It’s born of vibes. And not even the good kind — we’re talking sweaty, scrambled-late-for-the-rally, misread-the-briefing-card vibes.

ACT II: WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE A TWIN-ENGINE F-35 (AND WHY NOBODY WANTS TO)

You know what happens when you try to make a twin-engine version of a single-engine stealth jet? You break everything.

To go from F-35 to F-55, you’d need to:

Rebuild the entire fuselage.
Rewire avionics and fuel systems.
Recalculate stealth contours.
Rebalance thrust, lift, and drag.
Redesign the entire goddamn flight profile.
And then retrain pilots, restructure logistics, and requalify every component.

By the time you’re done, you don’t have a “variant.” You have a completely different aircraft — a Frankenstein fighter sewn together with hubris and funded by delusion.

And the cherry on this decommissioned sundae? Nobody asked for it. Not the Air Force. Not the Navy. Not even Lockheed — and those guys would greenlight a hamster-powered orbital drone if it came with cost-plus incentives.

ACT III: WHO PROFITS FROM A PLANE THAT DOESN’T EXIST?

Let’s be honest: this has nothing to do with national security and everything to do with grift-friendly theater.

This is the same tired game:

Say “America needs a new jet.”
Wrap it in red, white, and a bald eagle’s screech.
Pretend it’s urgent.
Funnel billions into a phantom R&D pipeline that exists to soak up appropriations.

It’s a weapons-grade smoke screen, and the military-industrial complex is all too happy to play along. Defense contractors get to submit a dozen PowerPoints, pocket a few early development grants, and walk away before the accountability phase kicks in.

And when the project inevitably fails? Blame “Biden’s woke Pentagon” or “unpatriotic bureaucrats” and start flogging the next fantasy.

ACT IV: THE F-52 INCIDENT — PRECEDENT IN STUPIDITY

Let us not forget the original moment of aircraft fiction: Trump’s proud announcement that the U.S. had delivered F-52s to Norway.

That jet doesn’t exist. It was never built. It’s a fictional aircraft from Call of Duty. The only way you deliver an F-52 is by pressing X on a PlayStation controller.

And yet, no consequences. No fallout. Just the same audience, nodding along, confusing fantasy for fact because it comes dressed in presidential seals and hangar backdrops.

So when he says “F-55” now, nobody thinks he means a plane. They know he means a prop. Something to gesture at while he tells you he’s tough on China — and then goes back to slashing taxes for billionaires and playing footsie with despots.

ACT V: MEANWHILE, IN THE REAL WORLD…

While we’re playing Jetsona with the F-55, here’s what’s actually happening:

The B-21 Raider stealth bomber is in testing.
The NGAD sixth-generation fighter is quietly evolving.
The Columbia-class submarines are absorbing budgets like black holes.
And the Air Force is still trying to figure out what to do with the hundreds of F-35s already struggling with readiness.

The Pentagon doesn’t need another platform. It needs fixes, upgrades, and logistics — the boring stuff politicians don’t like to talk about because it doesn’t look cool on a tarmac.

And the idea that we’ll just casually bolt on another engine and call it innovation is the aerospace equivalent of slapping a rocket on a bicycle and declaring it Space Force 2.0.

FINAL ACT: A SYMBOL OF EVERYTHING WRONG

The F-55 is the perfect metaphor for the Trump doctrine:
All noise, no signal.
All muscle-flex, no motion.
All ego, no exit strategy.

It’s a symbol — of how American politics now treats defense policy like a WWE promo. You shout, you pose, you throw in a catchphrase (“big, beautiful engines!”), and the crowd roars — nevermind that nothing’s real.

But behind the pyro and patriotism is the truth: the F-55 is a phantom, and the money we waste pretending it’s not is the real national security threat.

EPILOGUE: WAR GAMES AND EGO TRIPS

The sad part? This trick still works. The spectacle still sells. Because in a country where image is policy, and soundbites trump substance, all it takes is a podium, a flag, and a fake jet to hijack the national conversation.

So no, the F-55 won’t fly. But the lie will.

And when the smoke clears, and the headlines move on, the only thing left will be the bill — and the sinking realization that we let a cartoon presidency sketch another fighter jet out of crayon.

Coming soon: the F-69 “Freedom Dominator” — powered by pure testosterone and country music. Now accepting preorders.

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